Christine and Roy Parrott are one of the couples who have been delivering the Hallam Marriage Preparation Course “Preparing for a Lifetime Together” to 2 or 3 couples a year for many years. They have just ended their involvement and passed on the mantle to a new couple from St Joseph’s Dinnington, Giorgio and Alison Bergomi who together with two other couples, Paul and Cath Sands, and Maurice and Arthi Fernando have trained to prepare couples for marriage.
We wanted to thank Christine and Roy on behalf of the Diocese for their commitment and to ask them about their experiences of preparing couples for marriage They kindly agreed to an interview and we found a time around grandparent duties and holidays.
A fit-looking retired couple, what was striking was just how much in harmony their stories were. They were very thoughtful about the whole experience of preparing couples and appreciative and humble about what a pleasure and privilege it has been to have met so many couples over the years and that they had learned so much from the encounters. “You get back a hundredfold” they both told me. They told me what a delight it was to see couples flourishing or to be greeted by couples later.
They told me their own stories. Christine was from a small village outside Bradford. Her mother was a Catholic and she was brought up as a Catholic, attending Catholic schools. Her father was also involved and supportive of their Catholic life in the parish community. She went on to Higher Education in Coventry, where she met her future husband, Roy. Roy was a young man from Colchester, Essex, whose early religious influence was his Anglican mother. Christine and Roy were introduced by a mutual friend. As they talked about this, they smiled a lot at each other, reminiscing and sharing silently the memories. Christine said she was drawn to his sense of humour and they exchanged a smile. Roy went on to further study in Manchester and Christine to London. After 4 years apart, they became engaged to each other, because they each described the other as their ‘best friend’. I never heard the story of how the sister had precipitated the wedding, but they laughed together and agreed this was what happened. I’m left wondering!
They eventually moved to Sheffield and met Fr Brian Green. They both spoke warmly of his pastoral care and support, his vision and energy. He was inspirational, they said. He was steeped in Vatican II, thrilled by the documents that came out of Vatican II and keen for the lay involvement in parish ministry which was a key aspect to the reforms of Vatican II. It was Fr Green’s encouragement that caused Christine and Roy to agree to meet with couples thinking about marriage and eventually to become trained in delivery of the Hallam Marriage Preparation Programme devised by Charles and Jane Perryman.
Christine and Roy were enthusiastic about the Programme. Couples liked being given time and space to think about the nature of their couple-relationship, especially amidst the hustle and bustle of the wedding preparations. To be invited and supported to think about aspects of the relationship was for some a welcome reminder and for some a new experience. Roy and Christine’s own experience of married life also has helped in the work. Experiences of parenting, and resolving arguments, understanding different perspectives, understanding the roots of how one learns about relationships from one’s own parents, how one lived out one’s faith in the practical ways of living, commitment to the community, friendships and support, a sense of justice and care for the environment all came in to the rich tapestry of the stories shared with engaged couples. Sessions are non-judgmental and confidential.
Unsurprisingly, the couple emphasised the need for communicating with each other in a marriage, and sharing decisions over the faith issues and difficult things as well as all the other aspects of married life. They feel grateful that they themselves had had time to learn how to be good friends even before they were married and that has been helpful for their life together. They don’t see themselves as distributing wise advice but providing a toolbox of ideas, building blocks which might be helpful in the couples’ life together, including helping them to prepare for those crisis moments that are ordinary life.
Christine and Roy said they had met some wonderful young people and felt privileged to be sharing that part of their lives. They told me that when they were talking about the sacrament of marriage to the engaged couples the couple were always surprised and delighted to hear that:-
’’Sacraments help us to know God in a more personal way; we can get glimpses of God through Sacraments… in marriage the couple is the sign of God’s love in the world. The couple is the sacrament: they make God’s love real to each other and when people see the way they are with each other, it makes God’s love real to them too.” (from the Marriage Preparation Handbook for presenters )
One very Ignatian part of their recommendations to couples was about gratitude. Practice gratitude in your relationship, together with making a commitment to continuing to work on the relationship and not being afraid of conflict.
As we finished our talk, they told me they had taken up ballroom dancing together when they retired and smiled comfortably at each other as they said how helpful that had been, as it’s hard to stay cross when you are concentrating on getting the steps right and you are in each others arms! FF
